letter #1: the miracle is in the awe

Dear Ola,

I have been given the front most seat on the coaster bus leaving Petra to Amman and I am waiting for the bus to fill up. Arriving to a town after a five day hike from Dana to Petra is almost painful, a senseless jolt to the system. I cannot imagine sleeping on vulgar bedsheets and the tragic wall to wall carpet. Woke up early and said my goodbyes again. Wander Wonder Spring Sessions team will continue their walk to Sinai after an episode in Wadi Rum.

After a five day hike from Dana to Petra
sunleatheredskin

I am my left knee

I am my breathing controlled. Out of control

I am sweat hair wet

I am my left hip calling my name

I am my feet blocks of steel on fire

I am my desire to drink water

I am my hunger

I am my imagining the kisses

I am turned/turning on by the collective testosterone around a fire

I am my pulse in my ear

I am stinking feel (clammy is what comes to mind)

I am my armpits

I am pee splashed feet

I am my shit

I am my sore ankles

I am my tense thigh muscles

The left one will not let go

I am my nipples on alert when my foot misses the spot

I am my fear of unstable ground

I am found god when on unstable ground

I am my heart reacting to love

I am my chest squeezing in awe

I am bloated

I am my addiction to coffee

I am my impulse to smoke around sunset

I am my tongue battling a piece of meat stuck

I am a headache

I am tense tendons at the bottom of my thumb

I am my physical reaction to fear

I am my squinting eyes

I am the pain sitting down

I am the pain standing up

I am the pain that wakes me up to watch the moon

I am the challenge squatting to pee

I am the challenge squatting to shit

I am the extra squeeze so it is over faster

I am my muscles on the sides of my stomach

I am my ears sharp to birdsong

I am my ears deaf in the noise

I am my skin cold hot dry sticky

I am my lips dry

I am my cheeks burning

I am my inability to stop

I am impossible comfort

I am exhaustion

I am relief

I am my need for loneliness

I am my need for company

I am sleeping without brushing my teeth

I am clipping my nails

I am standing up or lying down. I cannot bend joints to sit down

I am my desire to lay my back against sand

I am my desire to lay my stomach against the rock

I am my desire to feel my palm against earth

I amo not dreaming

I am no intellect

I am the total of my blood and fear

I am the total of my muscle and bone

I am the total of my tendons and skin

I am hunger and thirst

I am take in and put out

I am exhaustion and energy

The miracle is in the awe